I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My vagina just recognized that song.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
