I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
