I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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