I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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