Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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