she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
