So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
