first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
