I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
