i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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