i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
