Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
