my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
