I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
