He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
