If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
