I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish my penis had a tongue
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
