i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
