I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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