Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
