I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
