this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i came on her dog
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
