Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
