May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
