Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
