All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
