ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
