i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
