I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
