i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
