It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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