toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if only i could text you this smell
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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