god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
