Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
