Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
