I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
