my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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