Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
