but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
