I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
they need to just BURY HIM!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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