its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
