hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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