Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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