Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
