she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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