Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
