Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
