my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
