If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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