It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
