She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
