just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
