I forgot how hot balto sounded
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
