He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
